A Cake Bruce Bogtrotter Would Be Jealous Of...
Just out here doing ol' Cookie proud with the ultimate Malt Chocolate Fudge Cake.
There is very little doubt that Matilda played a hugely influential role in my childhood. It started off as a beloved book that I would read endlessly, became a film I watched obsessively and then a thought which dominated my brain relentlessly. Nope, I’m not talking about the thought of wanting to move stuff with my eyes or mentally being able to flick the light switch off once I was already snuggled up in bed (although wouldn’t this be super handy??). All I thought about, dreamt about and wanted was…a slice of that damn chocolate cake.
Seeing little crooked Cookie walk in, hunched over a gigantic glass plate carrying a mesmerising tower of fudgy gloriousness. Holy hell. I needed a piece. I MUST HAVE A PIECE. Have I made wanting to replicate this my whole lifes work? Yes, but don’t judge me, okay. I grew up in an Indian household where we were blessed with curries, flavour, delicious buttery naan and all things savoury which would tickle even the most discerning pickle.
And whilst I will argue till I am blue in the face that Indian food is the most elite of all cuisines (Mexican and Italian give a good fight), what we don’t do particularly well is sweet food. Sure, we have Gulab Jamuns – think tiny fried cardamom spiced dumplings, soaked in a rose sugar syrup, and we have Jalebi’s (note: I have declared Jason Derulo my archnemesis for ruining this for me - I can’t help but sing that damn song every time I say this word) and then my least favorite, Ras Malai.
One thing these desserts all have in common is sugar. And when I say sugar, I MEAN sugar in ABUNDANCE. So it didn’t come as a surprise to me when I recently read in an article that India was called the ‘Diabetes Capital of the World’1 – look I am not saying Jason Derulo is wholly responsible for this and I am sure there are a tonne of lifestyle factors, stress, environment and genetics which come into play but can we lay some blame on him, sure. Why not?
(sorry, just sharing the love ya know?)
Ranting aside, the crux of my argument was that watching Matilda opened my eyes up to a glorious, unexplored world. We got birthday cakes growing up but my Mum’s recipe for making fairy cakes is wild. No measurements in sight. A pinch of this, a pinch of that. Eyeballing the entire lot. No idea on oven temperature. Not a clue on timings. The same tin for everything. The same flavour every time (just straight up butter, zero vanilla). And whilst the cakes would almost always come out as flat as a pancake, we’d still eat every sprinkle laden crumb.
Seeing ol’ Cookie struggle under the weight of deliciousness and our boy Brucie in a sugary chocolate haze – I knew it was my destiny to one day eat chocolate cake by the handful and be sat, slumped in front of a plate of filth, protesting I couldn’t eat a morsel more, whilst simultaneously shoveling it down my throat. I’ve gotten VERY good at multitasking over the years.
So, this folks, is the current version of just that. This must be iteration 1.9 AT LEAST. The file for this recipe is saved under the name ‘BIG BRUCE_FINAL_finalest_finalfinalfinal_USE_THIS_ONE_very_fudgy.doc’ and whilst this may give an indication that this is indeed the finalest of all finals, I can also guarantee you, that this is not.
But what it is, is damn delicious. It’s good for now. It’s good for then. And it’ll be good forever. What I love about this is that sure, it’s a fudgy affair but the crowning glory, the piste de resistance, is that whipped honeycomb cream cheese. I’m gonna warn you, smushing that stuff around on top of the sponge is ADDICTIVE (same applies to shovelling it into your mouth). I’ve been making variations of honeycomb cream for years now as a) it’s super easy to make, b) it’s gloriously golden and c) never had a single complaint about it, ever. It’s truly an underused cake topping in my eyes but my god, it is deeeeevine. You’re in for a good time if you make this, my friend, and I couldn’t be more thrilled for you.
The sticky maraschino glaze can definitely be swapped out for something more kid friendly (cherry jam instead perhaps, an orange glaze maybe or a super reduced raspberry compote glaze? I’m banking all these ideas fyi for document final_final_final_final_FINALEST.doc).
T H E - G O O D - S T U F F -
Alrighty, enough yap, let’s get to the good stuff. I am utterly thrilled to tell you this is a bake which is perfect for whatever skill set you come armed with. I am almost certain that if your level of expertise just about stretches to ‘burnt toast connoisseur’, you’ll be just fine here. Here’s how you make my Malted Chocolate Fudge Sponge with Whipped Honeycomb Cream Cheese.
Recipe makes: 1 x 8 inch sponge
Serves: 12
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